Co-dependency Anyone?

Rhiannon was having some fun with my phone...that explains the color...I didn't even know you could change the color. As for the co-dependency...she was kidding...I think.

Coping Mechanism

There are a variety of ways to cope with stress. Apparently I cope with the stress of a long, long day and quarreling children by singing Broadway tunes in the Taco Bell drive thru.

Bring it ON!

It happens. Every month, it happens. Hormone levels drop and I have a very bad day. In the past these days have manifested themselves in a variety of ways. Sometimes, I become paranoid and believe that everyone hates me. Other times I've been known to cry, a lot, and feel far too overwhelmed to ever get anything accomplished. There's been months of ravenous hunger, eating brownies and ice cream and any combination of carbs I can find. THIS month however, I decided would be different. Even though there is a plethora of things to freak out and cry about, I decided I was going to hold it together no matter WHAT! Well, don't ever declare war on Mother Nature.....

I awoke this morning, and knew with the dull ache in my head that today was not going to be a very good day. I decided to shut the world OUT. I closed my door, crawled into bed, put a pillow over my head, and pulled my covers around me. I was going to crawl into my hole and emerge tomorrow a much happier being. Of course this lasted for about thirty minutes until a concerned phone call reminded me that I could not spend the day, locked in my room.

So, I decided to fight this thing head ON! First, I thought I would color my gray hairs. Primping makes everyone feel better, right? In light of recent events, I would just have to do the job myself. I've done it numerous times in the past, and never ONCE have I had a coloring mishap....until now. Red roots, black ends. I was almost pushed over the edge. I fought the tears with a vengeance. "Today will be a good day!" Maybe I was being dramatic, maybe it's not so bad. Well, my fears were confirmed after school!

My spirited Kess, "Mom, I like your hair."

Me, hopeful, "Really?"

Kess, "Yeah, it is so spunky! You're like a rock star mom! I would totally do my hair like that if I could."

Not exactly the look I was going for, "Mmmm...yeah, thanks, Kess."

I look over at Rhiannon who's eyebrows are raised and a look of disdain paints her face.

"I don't like it. "

"Yeah, I know. It's black and red isn't it?

"Yes." She says.

Enough said.

After school we also went to the library. I don't know what it is about the Bentonville library, but I NEVER have a good experience there. EVER. Of course my account was expired, and of course I had a late fee, and OF COURSE I was helped by some tacky little old woman with tightly permed hair and large amounts of exposed cleavage.

"Ummm....let's see, is all of your information still correct?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she then pulls my name up on the computer and glances at the screen, then at me, then back at the screen and says, "Ew. Well you must have been really tired when we took your picture before and you had much longer hair."

What the HELL? Excuse me while I go climb back into my hole. I'll see you guys in a few days.

A Special Day

Today was Colin's Baptism Day. He turned 8 last week and was baptized today. Sweet Sarah took these lovely pictures and made us a video. It's absolutely beautiful. It's perfect! Thank you Sarah! Colin's baptism was so special and the Spirit was so strong. We were blessed to have my family here with us. After the Baptism I took Colin to pick out his very own Scriptures. We spent the rest of the day hanging out, playing, laughing, and eating. It was so, SO much fun!

The Call

The world seems like a scarey place right now. There have been mornings when I've woken up and literally was so overcome with fear I wasn't sure I could get out of bed. The thought of getting the kids dressed, making lunches, driving them to school, and going about daily business was almost more than I could bear.

The state of our nation's economy makes the future seem so uncertain. Todd lost his job a week ago. OUR financial future, our home, our bills, food for our children, it all seems so uncertain. BUT, is it really uncertain? The logistics are uncertain...when will we find a job, what will we do in the mean time, how is our life on Earth really going to play out? I'm so comforted by an inspired talk given by Pres. Uchtdorf in October's General Conference. He reminds us that, "Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be."

I've thought so much about how if I spend all of my time consumed by the despair and frustration I feel, then I will miss out on so much! Rhiannon and Kess will never be 12 again. Colin will never be 7, almost 8, and Connor will never be 6 again. What I will miss can never be replaced. But this trial in our life will be over at some point. It is NOT permanent.

I know that with faith we will move forward, but faith, alone, doesn't get rid of the gnawing pain in my stomach. This is why I love that Pres. Uchtdorf points out that faith, hope, and charity are a three legged stool. I forgot that I don't just need faith, but also hope. Hope is essential! He said, "Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance."

Rhiannon and Kess love the Narnia movies. Last week they were listening to the final song, "The Call" by Regina Spektor. I stopped what I was doing and listened to the words of that song. I cried tears of joy as I was reminded of C.S. Lewis's message and theme throughout his Narnia series. I know he didn't write the lyrics to the song, but the lyrics are inspired and truly sum up C.S. Lewis's message. I was filled with emotion as I remembered that I did live with God before I was born. I know that he loves me, and waits for my return. I felt renewed strength and hope. One particular line of the song struck me the most. It says, "Just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before. All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war." I couldn't help but think of the scriptures and the cycles that all of the people went through. Righteousness, pride and trials, repentance, humbling themselves before the Lord, blessings, righteousness...and the cycle continues.

The situation we find ourselves in today, the economy, the uncertainty for our future. It's really no big surprise. We've known it was coming. I find great peace in knowing this is nothing new. We will be tried and tested, and then it will pass. All I can do is have faith, have hope, and know which voices to listen to. I'm so grateful for modern day revelation. I'm grateful for the knowledge I DO have. I'm even grateful for the inspiration of C.S. Lewis. I'm so grateful for a dear friend who loves me enough to talk me out of bed...and threaten me out of bed. I'm so grateful for an inspired friend who reminded me today of Pres. Uchtdorf's message of hope. I'm also grateful for the knowledge that along with the cycle of righteousness and repentance there's another cycle. As Pres Uchtdorf said, "Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future."

Here's a link to Pres. Uchtdorf's address in case you want to read it, http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=25c5a0ad4843d110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

Also, here's a link to "The Call" that someone posted on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNsQewlFtEs

A Penguin's Holiday

December was a month of many activities. One of many activities was Colin's second grade play, "A Penguin's Holiday". We learned from experience last year when Colin had a first grade play and we stood in the back of the cafeteria, unable to see him even ONCE. So, this year we arrived at the play 45 minutes early. It still wasn't early enough. We sat about 10 rows back and still the pictures I got of him are not very good. I felt sooo bad for all the inexperienced moms and dads who came 15 minutes before the play only to find they were crammed in like sardines unable to see above the heads in front of them. Since we were in for a long wait we kept ourselves busy by handing the camera over to Connor. Here is a sampling of his photo shoot.

Here I am lookin' mighty fine...well, not exactly fine...more like exhausted, haggard, skanky. It was December, what can I say. (What's my excuse this month?)

Here's Todd, posing so handsomely. A face only a mother could love. Boy, what a great looking couple. HAHAHA!!!

Now, here's a fine lookin' group. Kess, Rhiannon, and Helen. At least they had each other to help the minutes tick by faster. (Notice the people in the background. Those are their seats, back against the wall! YUK! Can't these schools afford a few more chairs? Or how 'bout we just forego the Christmas program altogether?)

Awww, and finally it was time for the show to begin. The program was actually really cute. The kids and teachers did a great job. Colin played one of Santa's reindeer. He was Vixen. He delivered his part beautifully. We were so proud of him! He had entertained us for weeks before the show singing his songs, and doing a little dance. He's quite the performer!

I'm With the Band

Sixth grade is an exciting year! Finally the kids get to pick a specialty at school and take an extra class. The choices are things like choir, orchestra, band, art, etc. Rhiannon and Kess both picked band and they both chose the clarinet. Oh, how I stressed over purchasing that blasted clarinet. Hours...I mean HOURS spent pouring over clarinets on ebay. I was a nervous wreck. All the band teachers said, "Don't buy a clarinet on ebay." Being a rule follower made it so hard to take the plunge. But with some help from another band mom, Ayreann, I found two perfect instruments. We bought them from two retired band teachers who were very helpful and did a great job cleaning up the instruments.

The girls were so excited to start band and they've done an EXCELLENT job! It's been so fun to listen to them playing around the house. I love it when they have a song test and they play it over and over again. I love the sounds of one of them upstairs, the other one downstairs, constant repetition and echoing of the same song. Oh, I wish they would play it every day. I never could understand why my parents enjoyed hearing me play the piano, but now I know.

They had a very brief band concert in December. It was at the high school. We got seated in the auditorium and the curtains on stage were closed. As soon as we heard them warming up behind the curtains I got goose bumps. Then the curtains opened and I started to cry. I know, I know, but it was just so exciting. I'm so proud of them. I love that they are doing something that I've never done. I love that it's something they can teach me! I love seeing their independence and love of learning something new. Just one more reason I'm so grateful that I sent them to public school!

Unfortunately during the concert I never could see Rhiannon. So, I got a few shots of Kess, and a picture of their friend Helen. Helen's the only girl trombone player. That makes her "extra" cool.

On a side note: Helen is the sister of Colin's friend Virginia. We sat by Virginia and her family during the concert. Colin and Virginia giggled and played. They were so cute!